tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63295007810285119812024-03-13T05:07:18.954-05:00Creative Self BeliefAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.comBlogger357125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-41285284592201123142015-12-01T13:59:00.001-06:002015-12-01T13:59:17.866-06:00Not Getting It TogetherI keep trying, but I just don't seem to be able to get myself going in the right direction. I have gained weight and so not happy with me.<br />
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I am happy overall though...and I am hoping that will fuel me to do the important things to make me happy with me.<br />
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A new year around the corner...what changes to make...<br />
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I am thinking I may do The Artist's Way exercises again...who know...it may be just what I need.<br />
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Will do a family post soon...they are all doing so great...I need to share...stay tuned...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-65333993717571122622015-07-05T17:09:00.002-05:002015-07-05T17:09:49.442-05:00Where Do I Start?<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wow, I am completely shocked, and well, then maybe I am not...that I have not posted since December 12, 2014. On December 20th I began a journey that first broke my heart and it took almost 3 months to get it back together, though with tape at first so it was still quite fragile and it is still only being held together by Elmers glue, so still not quite where it needs to be. It is very personal and only a few people know and will know, but that is why I stopped posting for over half a year.</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My children, thankfully did keep my attention thought it was very laborious at times, they were one of the few things I could concentrate on because I knew they needed me and I could be in a different world away from my hurt for awhile. In the first 30-45 days however there were times, when their daddy was the lifesaver as I was so deep in my despair that I could not let them see me as I was at the time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For the first time in my life I turned to medication to try to help with the depression I had been thrown into. And now that I am off that med and have made it this far, I am of the mind, that one, I probably needed a med when we lost the girls and two, I never want to take a med for that again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Since coming off the meds the Elmers glue is slowly being replaced with superglue, but I still need mortar and that will take awhile I do believe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I cry about the girls regularly now...I had not really done that since right after losing them. I think I needed to, but just did not. I am more attentive to people and things in my life since coming off the meds and I knew I was not while on them, but I truly did not seem to care. I started realizing it more and more and that is when I knew I had to come off the meds...so I could get me back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am meditating again...focusing more...trying to help some very special people in my life through manifestation. And now today...I started looking at my Chakra. I have let this go far to long and I am sure is a very large reason as to why things have occurred as they have since November. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.paulcheksblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Chakra-Correspondence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.paulcheksblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Chakra-Correspondence.jpg" height="320" width="283" /></a></div>
For years now I see a large amount of yellow and dark blue in my Chakra when I meditate...very little orange and bit more light blue, bu tno purple and no red what so ever. So, as of today I will be working on bringing them back into balance.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We have a trip planned with the children during Christmas break. I have created a goal for myself to be more balanced in my Chakra before then. If I am well balanced it will only make life better for people that I communicate with daily.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ah, this felt good. I need to do this more. Thanks for caring enough to read what I write.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Namaste</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-46126124537637400802014-12-12T12:02:00.000-06:002014-12-12T12:02:50.851-06:00Happiness<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happiness is so elusive, isn't it? You think you have it and something comes and makes it difficult to keep it. What I find even more difficult where happiness is concerned is not allowing someone else's unhappiness affect me. I find that when a person I love is unhappy and I have no control over that, it makes me unhappy and I am grasping for things to make me happy. And truth is I have plenty to be happy about, but unhappiness is very heavy and hard to lift off from my soul.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I find that when the children are with me I concentrate more on them and that helps. It is amazing how light that unhappiness can be when children are involved in the equation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, we are getting closer to Christmas and I find every day a challenge to stay focused on being happy for and with the children. Evenings are better than days, which is a good thing since my babies are with me in the evenings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are going through something similar I hope you are finding that something to concentrate on that helps you lift that heavy weight of unhappiness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, I have also found that concentrating on the reason for the season helps also. This is a time of the rebirth of the light of Christ in all of us and I am trying to take this time to teach my little ones about what that means for them, while still including the goodness of Father Christmas and what it means to give to others.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-28445166708289411232014-11-11T16:47:00.003-06:002014-11-11T16:47:39.865-06:00Moving Forward<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A lot is going on...I think that will be pretty much the way of life for the next five years or 18...who knows...LOL.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Izza is in high school. Little ones are in preschool and day care.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Kerry has went back to work and we are working on getting the business going. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am applying for a position that will allow me to continue to work from home, but move up in grade.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am learning to balance the loves in my life and I notice that each one brings something different to my level of happiness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I count my blessings every day that God has brought me my children and my loves. All of our souls are intertwined and it makes the perfect quilt in my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Autumn is my favorite time of year. I embrace the changing colors...and recognize the things in my life that I am so very thankful for on a daily basis.</span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-86305918733570733262014-10-29T21:04:00.002-05:002014-10-29T21:08:38.465-05:00Yes, This is What I Believe<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, someone I care about contacted me recently about my blog and asked if what she read on here is really what I believe.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My answer,"yes, I don't put anything on here that is not true for me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Her response was she was shocked. I don't know if it changed how she feels about me, but I still care about her and that is all I can control in life is how I respond and react, not how other people do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We all have different beliefs, values, spiritual practices, you name it. I love that about the human race. That we are all so different.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Read my blog, read way back. I love my husband. I love my family, but there is a part of me that wants to and will experience more. And I do not feel that God would want it any other way. IMO, that is why he/she put us here, to experience life. Well, baby, I am here to tell you I have a ton more I still want to experience, and it will not all be with just my husband, or my family. I love life and there are people in my life I love deeply, some women, and they are my sisters, some men who are very important to my happiness on a daily basis. I don't want a divorce to go be with these men. I love my husband and my family. We are not perfect...and our love has changed through the years, but we do still love each other and we will raise this family together and grow old together, having amazing life experiences. I will however have my other special relationships and I will not apologize for them as I do not believe that we were meant to love only one person for eternity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I believe you can have a soul connection with many people and I do. Sadly one of my sisters does not get this either, but that is because we are both in different phases of our spiritual growth. I have worked really hard to not let man made rules and ideals effect how I live my life on a spiritual level and I believe all relationships are at the spiritual level. I sometimes let man made ideals get in my way, but I am not perfect and it is hard to shed some of the things we were brought up to believe, but I have come a long way and I am still growing and learning what is right for me, what the plan is that God and I put together before I came to be on this earth.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, stick around if you are interested. I'll share more as time goes and maybe you will come to a new way of looking at things. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Namaste</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-56231179087195225672014-08-22T09:09:00.002-05:002014-08-22T09:09:29.238-05:00Keep Calm<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="500" mozallowfullscreen="" msallowfullscreen="" oallowfullscreen="" src="https://www.flickr.com/photos/40615714@N03/5072281377/player/b2c145831c" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="400"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-67069691775140341182014-06-29T15:33:00.001-05:002014-06-29T15:34:14.615-05:002 Loves - It's Joyful and Complicated<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, I mentioned the last time I blogged that I had recently realized that I was in love with a man that I have known for a little over two years. I have had and still do have many male friends and this is the first one I have found that I actually love as much as I love my husband. And there is the rub. If you have been following me all these years you can go back and you will find that I love my husband heart and soul. We have really found ourselves to be soul mates. So, when it hit me and let me tell you, it hit me, that I was in love with my friend Doc, well it threw me. I had a couple weeks of complete and utter confusion going on in my heart and head. I prayed and consulted a friend of my heart and I prayed. I then told my husband and that in the end is what I should have done first. He helped me put it all into perspective and in the end was so understanding it was such a relief. He understands and also believes that it is possible to be heart and soul in love with two people at the same time and has said that he will not stop me from following this through. I was surprised, but so, so relieved that I had not caused any damage to our relationship and that I could continue my other relationship. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">To most of you, I am sure you are saying...WHAT????? But that is because we have been taught only about monogamy. Created laws that don't allow people to even be married to more than one person at a time. When marriage is an affair of the heart I don't understand where laws should come into play. A license to get married??? Really??? As I said I did some reading on polyamory and I think one of my favorite items is from a blog titled <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/wwjtd/2011/11/adventures-in-polyamory/" target="_blank">Adventures in Polyamory</a>. I really liked how he put things into perspective in this blog post and I agree with so much that he says here that I really encourage you to read it, but I wanted to share my favorite line from the blog and I feel it really sums up how I feel about this in my life. The female in his story states at one point that "love is not like a bathtub;somebody doesn't need to get out to make room for someone else." I don't have to not love or leave my husband to be in love with Doc and act on that love. I do however have to upfront and honest with both of them and that has been the easiest part because I love them both so much and do not want either to be hurt.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, as I sit here typing this today, I am a very blessed woman to be loved by two wonderful men and for them both to allow me to return that love in kind. I have three wonderful children that in no way will be hurt by this because in the end their mother is actually happier than she has been in awhile. And it is not that I was unhappy with my marriage or my love with my husband, but that love was comfortable and I had other things going on in my life that I would allow to invade my happiness. I am now learning to push that stuff back and enjoy the love that I have around me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Joy and Peace to all.</span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-37403394678622265912014-06-21T09:37:00.001-05:002014-06-21T09:37:29.731-05:00Starting anewAdoption finalized May 22nd.<div><br></div><div>Moved back to Georgia June 14th.</div><div><br></div><div>Realized I am heart and soul in love with a friend that I have known for just over two years.</div><div><br></div><div>Life is complicated, but it is all good.</div><div><br></div><div>Happy.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-59988698188562491282014-06-06T08:08:00.002-05:002014-06-06T08:08:22.914-05:00New Stuff<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We are now a family of 5!!! As of May 22nd Alejandra and Kristian became ours!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Izza is going on to 9th grade...unbelievable!!! Where has the time gone!! I remember the little 11 year old that came to my house 3 1/2 years ago, just wanting to be loved...now I have a loving young lady, with a teenage attitude. :) It is all good...just can't believe how quick it all happened.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, now we are off to Georgia. Going back home after 13 1/2 years. It will be different...I am not the same person. I have really grown since leaving that state at 31 years of age and traveling around the U.S. changing jobs, meeting new people, and growing spiritually in the process.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I think different than I did then...the things that were important than are not necessarily the same things that are important to me now. I would surprise people with some of my beliefs...but may are private and I won't go into them here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, it will be interesting to see how my new family dynamic and the me that I have grown to be fit into my old world in the Augusta, GA community. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Excitement abounds...a lot of work in the next week and a half...and a bit of nervousness to go with it...Stay tuned...</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-39641101834953190782014-01-29T07:36:00.001-06:002014-01-29T07:36:58.663-06:00Smile Today and Everyday<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-Clu4Zy5wR08/UukD-DXz1qI/AAAAAAAAGIc/yhvzdtWaIWM/s640/blogger-image-254340831.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-Clu4Zy5wR08/UukD-DXz1qI/AAAAAAAAGIc/yhvzdtWaIWM/s640/blogger-image-254340831.jpg"></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-45137779971749604132014-01-05T00:07:00.001-06:002014-01-05T00:07:21.561-06:00This one is for you Mel!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I always think about you at Halloween and when Imsee special Halloween things...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-NsMWVn-TY90/Usj2hWqLG3I/AAAAAAAAF-g/Gnw2bZDtAPU/s640/blogger-image-253527039.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-NsMWVn-TY90/Usj2hWqLG3I/AAAAAAAAF-g/Gnw2bZDtAPU/s640/blogger-image-253527039.jpg"></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-26239107360892050072014-01-03T15:40:00.000-06:002014-01-05T00:08:00.981-06:00Friday Faith Talk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<em>The presence of God is within and around me. I am alive with creative energy, awake to prospering ideas, and open to unlimited goodness.</em></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Happy New Year!!</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Why do we wait to the new year to decide to make changes and do things differently? Well, maybe that is not accurate...I don't think I wait exactly, but I always seem to have thoughts going through my head of what I want to do different, more or less of, etc.</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We have our two little ones and I have been itching to get a paint brush in their hands. I love to see the creative that comes from a child's mind. It was my favorite thing to do when I had the girls. I also enjoy when my Izza and I take the time to pick a picture together that we will both recreate into our own master piece.</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I meditate I get pictures in my mind's eye that I feel a pull to put down on paper and I never take the time to do so...so, in 2014 I want to find more time for that...</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am working on figuring out how to fit in all of the healthy things for me, but mental, spiritual and physical, and still meet the family, social, work and business obligations.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know I can do it...there are those out there that do so much more than I do...and do it well...so, if they can do I can too...and I hope to have more insight on how I will work it all out in the very near future.</span><br>
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<em>My thoughts are enriched by the creative spirit of God within me. I am filled with renewed enthusiasm, and my life is prospered.</em><br>
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<em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Namaste my Friends!!</span></em>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-83985556368820392692013-12-27T23:05:00.001-06:002013-12-27T23:21:55.388-06:00An Awesome Woman<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I just lost my Gran...I almost cannot believe it...she was 85 and was the sweetest person you could ever know and was so much fun to be around. I have such great memories and will cherish them forever. This is the grandma that at my Grandpa's 60 birthday did a little dance to the stripper song swinging her dresses untied belt and grooving to the music. She accepted my desire to follow my own spiritual path better than my parents did in the beginning. She loved watching Cheech and Chong. She had a habit of falling asleep 10 minutes before the end of many movies. I was told stories of her throwing her rubber shoes down the street at my dad and uncle when they were little rascals. She was full Italian and was everything that meant for an Italian woman living in Philly. She never learned to drive and when she lived in South Philly I remember walking with her and my great grandma to 7th St and the Italian market to go shopping. She made the best meatballs in the world and the best lasagna. She loved to make peas and pasta and I have to say Gran, that was not one of my favs. When Gran and Pops would dance together you could see how much he adore her...and now they are back together. I love you both and will miss you until the day I see you again.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-46248671271433181412013-12-21T16:49:00.001-06:002013-12-21T16:50:28.100-06:00And 2 makes 5<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yep, that is right...two little ones have been added to our household. Their case is moving to the adoption unit so we are starting our six months until we can finalize the adoption. The little lady is 28 mos and a doll, though she has typical behavior of a child of the age and someone that is experiencing confusion due to the change in households. My little man will be 4 in March and he is all boy, energy and all...again typical behavior of the age and the circumstances is what we are experiencing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It is awesome having them in our home. It tore us up when the girls were taken and we vowed we could not foster again after that experience. So, we have been looking for children available for adoption. These two came on our radar in October and we were ecstatic two weeks ago when we were told that CPS decided to place them with us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The little lady reminds me so much of my two younger girls that we had for 10 months and sometimes that is difficult, but for the most part it is all joy even with the behavior issues.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Izza adores them and loves reading to them and playing with them. They both are starting to enjoy playing with Izza.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, we have our Christmas present early and I can't wait for the day I can share their pictures with you!!</span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-1107756735568478012013-11-24T15:56:00.001-06:002013-11-24T16:00:31.951-06:00A Cold Sunday<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Not so nice weather is coming in and our church is 30 minutes away so we decided it would be safer to not go rather than to face unsafe travels on the way home...</span></div><div><br></div><div>So, Izza had her first sewing lesson today. Though I do know how to sew, so does my husband, so he took the lead on this today. Izza worked on straight lines to get used to how to control the speed and "material". She did a really great job for her first time.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-g9Zi2hgKTns/UpJ2D2s2pjI/AAAAAAAADpQ/edHMNwkivSM/s640/blogger-image-545152465.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-g9Zi2hgKTns/UpJ2D2s2pjI/AAAAAAAADpQ/edHMNwkivSM/s640/blogger-image-545152465.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Then Izza and I decided to work on our first Christmas decorations for the tree...we are going with homemade decorations this year...other than some cute snowman balls I bought the other day. These are not perfect, but they were made with love...and that makes them perfect for us. We had fun doing them together. Next weekend we hope to have two little ones joining the family to make more with.</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-LnLqH13vQkE/UpJ2wOPlvSI/AAAAAAAADpY/QoX9iF8ahR8/s640/blogger-image-2049141551.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-LnLqH13vQkE/UpJ2wOPlvSI/AAAAAAAADpY/QoX9iF8ahR8/s640/blogger-image-2049141551.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-66473418385480038682013-11-17T07:53:00.001-06:002013-11-17T07:53:10.521-06:00Just WaitingAt times I feel like I have my life on hold...just waiting to know if we will be granted the right to raise these two little girls we are hoping to add to our forever family. I know that is not true because we have Izza and we continue to ensure her life is full and that we are in every aspect of her life...but there is a part of me that continues to feel like I am just waiting...<div><br></div><div>I don't know if the pain of losing the three little girls we had for 10 months will ever go away...but I have to hope that getting a couple other girls added to the family will help us fill that void they left behind...</div><div><br></div><div>Izza prays every day for sisters...it is so precious...I am so blessed to have her....and I hope that sooner than later her prayers are answered...the awesome thing is she prays for God to watch over the sisters she had and she prays for God to watch over the sisters to come...</div><div><br></div><div>Her is my awesome girl last week when we went to the Grapevine Sealife. We had to put Boomer down that day and needed a distraction. It was a very nice family night.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-B89yUQKy4f8/UojKRA0Oz0I/AAAAAAAADo8/k14bv-7JHp8/s640/blogger-image--930337940.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-B89yUQKy4f8/UojKRA0Oz0I/AAAAAAAADo8/k14bv-7JHp8/s640/blogger-image--930337940.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-1433648884144155192013-11-11T21:40:00.001-06:002013-11-11T21:40:46.924-06:00Ugh Week<div><br></div>Yep...that is what last week was...Ugh week...<div><br></div><div>Early in the week...I am pretty sure it was Monday...my mom calls and says that they got a call that Gran's health is deteariating fast....this on top of me entering the week knowing it was my last few days with my Boomer. And we never heard if we were selected for the two girls....</div><div><br></div><div>Gran is holding steady as of today, but my Boomer is gone. It broke my heart...I cried so hard...</div><div><br></div><div>And...still no word on the girls...</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I do hope this is a better week.</div><div><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-k_1Tk1dHZnM/UoGjOQSkx2I/AAAAAAAADog/XjsIllF1EkE/s640/blogger-image--1589785408.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-k_1Tk1dHZnM/UoGjOQSkx2I/AAAAAAAADog/XjsIllF1EkE/s640/blogger-image--1589785408.jpg"></a></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PYgM8vain1c/UoGjPTDwoUI/AAAAAAAADoo/DfFzDTMr5b8/s640/blogger-image--1928940289.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PYgM8vain1c/UoGjPTDwoUI/AAAAAAAADoo/DfFzDTMr5b8/s640/blogger-image--1928940289.jpg"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PYgM8vain1c/UoGjPTDwoUI/AAAAAAAADoo/DfFzDTMr5b8/s640/blogger-image--1928940289.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-UoRfbO0X_4E/UoGjMvy9aqI/AAAAAAAADoY/9JhW9HWgS1Q/s640/blogger-image--1181006145.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-UoRfbO0X_4E/UoGjMvy9aqI/AAAAAAAADoY/9JhW9HWgS1Q/s640/blogger-image--1181006145.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_r_kaJTBpKA/UoGjLWqornI/AAAAAAAADoQ/osx4djbIqfw/s640/blogger-image--177585698.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_r_kaJTBpKA/UoGjLWqornI/AAAAAAAADoQ/osx4djbIqfw/s640/blogger-image--177585698.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-pmUVZpprYmU/UoGjJy4Wd7I/AAAAAAAADoI/Uu6rX-RIG30/s640/blogger-image--1494242136.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-pmUVZpprYmU/UoGjJy4Wd7I/AAAAAAAADoI/Uu6rX-RIG30/s640/blogger-image--1494242136.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><font color="#ff0000"><u><br></u></font></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><font color="#ff0000"><u><br></u></font></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><font color="#ff0000"><u><br></u></font></div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-61327599886605077192013-11-02T20:23:00.001-05:002013-11-02T20:23:07.122-05:00Saturday Fun with My Girl<div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-5FutBC1wU3c/UnWlOxkzP2I/AAAAAAAADkg/JgJk35epGvc/s640/blogger-image--1964634204.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-5FutBC1wU3c/UnWlOxkzP2I/AAAAAAAADkg/JgJk35epGvc/s640/blogger-image--1964634204.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">We had such a busy week we never got the Hello Kitty pumpkin done. Since the pumpkins are going to stay out through Thanksgiving we did it today. Izza really enjoyed it and was very happy with her accomplishment.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I am very proud of her. There is nothing that she cannot do and we keep finding new things to try all the time....stay tuned for the tales of her learning to sew....our new adventure.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-70493397019732522342013-11-01T14:08:00.001-05:002013-11-01T14:09:14.324-05:00Friday Faith Talk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<strong><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">I entrust the good desires of my heart to God's loving care and I know that with God all things are possible.</span></strong></div>
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, I have decided to start my own Friday theme. Someone else may be using it too, not sure...when I did a search for ideas on what I wanted to write about today I did not see anything that floated my boat.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And so I sat here thinking about what is very important to me in my life right now and in order of importance it would be Family, Faith, and Work. I write about family all the time, but I rarely share anything about my spiritual side. So...now I will...on Fridays atleast.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The affirmation above is one I find myself repeating often lately. It it simple and yet covers a vast area.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I think for many of us, I know for me, it is often difficult to hand over the reigns of what is in the heart to God and to know that He/She will provide abundantly for me if it is what is best for me. And that last part is the kicker, isn't it? </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I have a lot of desires, but what is right for me? I think I know, but in the end only God really does. Being human it is often times the most difficult to accept a reality that is not inline with the desires of my heart. I am working on meditating, not as much as I need to though, to help me get in that place where I do accept that He/She knows best.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">So, if you see me and my light is a little dull, maybe you can give me an encouraging word or say a prayer/affirmation for me so that I can move closer to that understanding and acceptance and be able to share a more bright light with all.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Blessed Be!!</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span></strong><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-60326962106326538072013-10-28T12:58:00.003-05:002013-10-28T14:22:22.976-05:00Season's Change<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love this time of year. The change from heat to cooler weather and if I am fortunate enough to ride somewhere that has the beautiful changing leaves I can't help but take pictures of them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But this is also a time of year when I always seem to be examining things in my life and making changes. So, along with the change of seasons and this balancing we are still doing between summer and fall here in Texas I am doing the balancing in my own life. I am examing what I need to do business wise, what I need to do to get to the next level in my weightloss journey, and most importantly what will my family dynamic be over the next few months.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some of it I can control, some of it I cannot. Seems a lot like the change in seasons...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to figure out how to make it through the next few months in certain areas of my life, fortifying myself for things to come. Similiar to entering into the winter season, preparing for the thrashing cold winds and ice that we will be plagued with here in Texas.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, I am working on figuring out what needs to commence in my life to make it through the next season and be prepared for that wonderful new growth in the season after that...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are you doing something similar?</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-5051616653858215862013-10-27T17:19:00.000-05:002013-10-27T17:19:21.779-05:00Emotionally Drained Today<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I cry a little bit quite often. We were not licensed to foster/adopt with the intention to foster. We only wanted to adopt and I had my reservations when our adoption worker at our agency asked us to foster three sisters that needed to be kept together. She was told by the investigator to put them with someone that would want to adopt them. So, she thought of us, even though we had an age limit that we put in place of no children under 7. I really was not sure of this, first we are talking about fostering...I always said I could not foster as I could not give up children once they came into my home...and second these girls were 11 months, 2 years 2 mos and 4 years 2 mos. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />But I did it, one because our agency needed us to and from what was known it was a pretty good bet that the parents would not get the children back based on past history. And that past history is what has come back to bite us in the butt, or rather the heart. </span><br />
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In March the day before they went to the placement hearing, a regular monthly hearing, the CASA office got a call from the woman that adopted the girls brother about five years before. She wanted the girls...I was told about this a month later...I was concerned, I asked my agency to make inquiries...and it all came back as not something to be concerned about, yada, yada. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
Well, it was something to be concerned about and they should have just taken care of the process then in my opinion, but no they waited until July to tell the judge that a "kin" has been identified and that they were going to start the home study and it should be done in 30 days. At that time I did talk to this kin's mother to plead to her to allow us to raise the girls if the parents lost their rights and to let us raise our children as cousins. I told her how attached they all were and how the oldest was just making certain strides in behavior, etc. I gave her my card, but I never heard from her. I began contact with the birth parents to try to get them to tell CPS that they did not want the girls to go to this person, but I believe someone else was feeding them promises so they never did this. I even was willing to work out a visitation with them in the event that they lost their rights. Also during this time I got certain emails from the CASA worker that looking back were very deceitful, and had she been more honest it would have helped me to prepare for what was about to happen on August 11th. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
A few days before August 11th CPS called me and indicated that the family's home-study was complete and that the girls would be moved on Sunday. The lady never came to meet them first and there was not going to be any over night visits to get the girls acquainted with them, which is often done when a move like this is about to occur. </span><br />
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Needless to say I tried everything in my power in those few days to see what I could do to keep the girls, but an attorney said since we were just short of a year we had no rights and if we did bring it to court we had less than a 50% chance of winning the case. The parents were frustrated with my contacts, but I did not give up...I had to try. The girls were about to be moved 5 hours away and the parents would not be able to visit every week as they had when the girls were with us, but I could not get through to them. </span><br />
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So, my precious little ones were taken from me on August 11th and placed with people they did not know because it met the CPS requirements of "reunification" even thought they have never met this brother nor the family that had him. I saw a picture about five days after they were placed and they did look happy and I was grateful for that, but it does not stop the pain that I feel every single day of not having my precious girls with me anymore. I have written to the family that has them asking if we could be a part of their lives, maybe visiting once a year and getting pictures and updates, but I have not gotten a response. I don't know what her motivation is to not answer, but I pray that some day she realizes we are no threat and that it is a good thing to include us in their lives. </span><br />
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We are waiting to hear if two girls that need a permanent home will get placed with us. We did try to foster about 3 weeks after we lost the girls, but we just could not do it. So, we tendered our resignation on fostering, the children were moved and we are trying to find a girl or two to make part of our forever family. The waiting is difficult and does not make moving forward after the loss of the girls any easier. But I try...I keep trying... </span><br />
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Today at church the song that was sung pushed me to tears like I have not experienced in a long time. My Izza had choir practice after service so hubby and I went to Starbucks and I cried almost the whole time I was there...it is the most I have cried since first losing the girls....and the most we have talked about the "why" since it happened. I am a better place than he is with all of it...I hope our talk today helps him as it is difficult for me to see him in the pain and having such negative thoughts about this whole thing. I myself refuse to have negative thoughts about this...I got something out of this...and I don't know why the girls are not with us any more other than the fact that a law/regulation/policy was met by CPS doing what they did, but I have to know that we made a difference in their lives and I know they taught me a ton and that there are some other girls out there that need us and that eventually we will find them. </span><br />
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<b>I entrust the good desires of my heart to God's loving care and I know that with God all things are possible.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here is the song that was sung at church today that pushed me to my limit, but spoke to me also.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/yMlaSE9NgFA" width="560"></iframe>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-46017079383750925522013-10-26T09:40:00.001-05:002013-10-26T09:41:57.938-05:00What Did I learn?I learned that little children really are not so scary as I thought...<div><br></div><div>I learned that the love of a little one can bring a rainbow to any cloudy day...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned what an awesome man I am married to and how capable he is as a father...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned that the heart is more fragile than anyone could ever imagine...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned that there is no way I could ever forget those little ones...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned that the hurt takes a long time to become less...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned that the child still with me needs me too...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned that prayer and affirmation will help me get through the day...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned that my child can teach me how to deal with my heartache...</div><div><br></div><div>I learned that life does go on...</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-51240694125642222582013-03-20T23:17:00.001-05:002013-03-21T15:54:46.765-05:00Head over Heals......in love with my new babies. Yes, we have a 17 mo, 2 yr 8 mo, and 4 yr 8 mo. They are all sisters with the same father, but the two youngest have a different mother than the oldest. They have been with us since October. I wish I could say we have adopted them, but alas I cannot. We are so not a foster family. We got licensed just so that we could adopt... Then we are told that these three angels need to be placed in a home that will want to adopt them... So we did it... OMG!!! Being a foster parent really tears at you!!! I hate it!!! We were told the judge was giving this six months as he is pretty strict...well the father got out of jail right towards the end of that six months so now they are were given their full year. The girls lawyer makes it sound promising for us, but we just have no clue. Based on what the attorney says it is our hope that the father and the little ones mother realize they cannot meet what they have to in the next six months and relinquish their parental rights, realizing the girls are well cared for, loved, and happy. We don't expect the oldest girls mom to make it that easy. So, please keep us all in your prayers.<br />
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I miss blogging...will try to make this a regular habit again. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-74458244306974959472012-07-15T10:42:00.001-05:002012-07-15T10:42:03.476-05:00Visit to GA<div><p>I had two weeks with family in GA.  It was probably the best visit home since I moved away 12 years ago.</p>
<p>My uncle came down from Jersey with his family.  Izza and his son,  my cousin and her cousin of course, were inseparable.   Izza got to ride on a three person float with her cousins.  A first for her and she loved it.  We also went to analternative arcade amusement complex where the Izza and her four cousins had a ball.</p>
<p>We had dinner with my in-laws, which allowed Izza to meet her Uncle Scott and Aunt Rhian in addition to two more cousins.  </p>
<p>It was great spending time with my parents not doing anything planned...just being together.</p>
<p>Since I worked some of the time from the VA facility I was even able to have lunch with some of my former co-workers.  It was great to see them again.</p>
<p>It was awesome to spend this time with the family.  I miss everyone so much with living so far away, but I have to say it is also nice to get back to my regular life.  There is no place like the home you make for yourself.</p>
<br/><img src='http://lh6.ggpht.com/-p-AcpNTJC48/UALksRayZwI/AAAAAAAACzc/nlBRZ3COEvo/3_imagejpeg_2.png' /><br/><img src='http://lh4.ggpht.com/-Rt-owa7XEq0/UALkvcJET7I/AAAAAAAACzk/sFbzwQ6E4eE/4_imagejpeg_2.png' /><br/><img src='http://lh6.ggpht.com/-55rtyUCLJJs/UALkwZ5uzPI/AAAAAAAACzs/_rfZCstm7Ic/1_imagejpeg_2.png' /><br/><img src='http://lh6.ggpht.com/-tkBZA0tmz80/UALkxnQ9EII/AAAAAAAACz0/9x5NI-t-wBw/2_imagejpeg_3.png' /><br/><img src='http://lh4.ggpht.com/-LcGaRoQ_sc8/UALkyYhMnTI/AAAAAAAACz8/RNUZVAAjrgM/3_imagejpeg_3.png' /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329500781028511981.post-37437155246167064692012-03-20T21:28:00.001-05:002012-03-20T21:29:20.944-05:00Patience of a Diamond<br />
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<tr><td style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #dc9f14; font-family: Arial, Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no result, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul</b></span><span style="color: #ff7b08; font-family: Arial, Verdana, sans-serif;">- Simone Weil</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I read this and it is like...hell, yeah...that is what I am talking about...I wish more people could "hear" those words and get what they mean...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I used to be an Amway Independent Business Owner (IBO). I was young and not very experienced in life. I was told what I needed to do to be successful in the Amway business, but I just did not get it. I was not willing to do what I was told and again...I just did not get it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is now 8+ years later and I ironically came in contact with the Amway business again while I was on vacation at Disney World right before Christmas. The man I met has reached a significant level in the bonus payments from Amway. I asked him some questions, questions that pertained to part of why I did not stay with the Amway business. He had good answers...gave me a lot to think about. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">On the way home my husband and I talked about this opportunity that had come around to us for the second time in our life. It was a no brainer, we had to become Amway IBOs again. We are mentally in a different place than we were back then, we are wiser, and we see Amway in a whole different way than we did back in the 90s and early 2000s.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Then we get our access as IBOs and we sign up for the training and we are so surprised and happy to find training like we never received before. We find ourselves being told how to sell the products in a way that no one ever explained to use before. We see this business in a whole new light than anything we had ever experienced in the past. We are excited. We can't wait to market our products and we love the Amway products, have never stopped so it is just like anything else we have experienced in retail, accept that now we get paid for telling people about products that we love and referring them to the store that we got them from.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, yes...I so get this quote...our efforts before, did not see any results, but in the last two months we have already made more in this business than we ever made in the six or seven years we were in the business before. So much of that success in the past two months is due to what we learned before and our life experiences since leaving Amway. With big dreams and goals we can see the light. With patience and hard work we will be successful and get to have the most fun in life ever.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Don't ever give up on those dreams and goals. With hard work and the patience of a diamond we can all shine. Banish discouragement and feelings of impossibility by working hard, doing more, and not giving in! A diamond was only made beautiful after millions of years as a lump of coal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10039880032513399696noreply@blogger.com1