Not Getting It Together

I keep trying, but I just don't seem to be able to get myself going in the right direction.  I have gained weight and so not happy with me.


I am happy overall though...and I am hoping that will fuel me to do the important things to make me happy with me.


A new year around the corner...what changes to make...


I am thinking I may do The Artist's Way exercises again...who know...it may be just what I need.


Will do a family post soon...they are all doing so great...I need to share...stay tuned...

Where Do I Start?

Wow, I am completely shocked, and well, then maybe I am not...that I have not posted since December 12, 2014.  On December 20th I began a journey that first broke my heart and it took almost 3 months to get it back together, though with tape at first so it was still quite fragile and it is still only being held together by Elmers glue, so still not quite where it needs to be.  It is very personal and only a few people know and will know, but that is why I stopped posting for over half a year.

My children, thankfully did keep my attention thought it was very laborious at times, they were one of the few things I could concentrate on because I knew they needed me and I could be in a different world away from my hurt for awhile.  In the first 30-45 days however there were times, when their daddy was the lifesaver as I was so deep in my despair that I could not let them see me as I was at the time.

For the first time in my life I turned to medication to try to help with the depression I had been thrown into.  And now that I am off that med and have made it this far, I am of the mind, that one, I probably needed a med when we lost the girls and two, I never want to take a med for that again.

Since coming off the meds the Elmers glue is slowly being replaced with superglue, but I still need mortar and that will take awhile I do believe.

I cry about the girls regularly now...I had not really done that since right after losing them.  I think I needed to, but just did not.  I am more attentive to people and things in my life since coming off the meds and I knew I was not while on them, but I truly did not seem to care.  I started realizing it more and more and that is when I knew I had to come off the meds...so I could get me back.

I am meditating again...focusing more...trying to help some very special people in my life through manifestation.  And now today...I started looking at my Chakra.  I have let this go far to long and I am sure is a very large reason as to why things have occurred as they have since November.

 For years now I see a large amount of yellow and dark blue in my Chakra when I meditate...very little orange and bit more light blue, bu tno purple and no red what so ever.  So, as of today I will be working on bringing them back into balance.

We have a trip planned with the children during Christmas break.  I have created a goal for myself to be more balanced in my Chakra before then.  If I am well balanced it will only make life better for people that I communicate with daily.

Ah, this felt good.  I need to do this more.  Thanks for caring enough to read what I write.

Namaste