Lost

For lack of a better word....Lost...I guess that is how I feel lately. I have no direction...and no goal. Or the goals I thought I had no longer are important. How does one get back on track or find the right track?

I don't want to worry my husband so I have not told him to much of what is going on in my head. And maybe that is it...maybe I need to see a counselor. Maybe I need to have someone listen to me talk about stuff and give me advice...or can that be accomplished here with neophytes...hmmm

I just am so out of it...when I am at work, I don't want to be there, when I am home I don't know what to do with my time...so, what should I be doing?

I am also having trouble getting my brain to calm down. The morning pages help a little, but then all that stuff is right back there again.

A good thing...I have a wonderful husband who puts up with so much from me. Like all of the moving...and here I want to move us again and take a drastic pay loss. And he is not complaining. I am very fortunate. Now, if I could have that in my career it would all be well.

Travel Bug

I am dying to travel, but the funds just are not there this year.

I was looking at the cruises...I want to go to the West Caribbean so bad...I want to see the Mayan Ruins...Maybe next year...but then I also want to do a road trip to Seattle next year...so, who knows.

I am missing the ocean right now, and that is about 3 hours away so maybe sometime in July we can make that happen.

So, I have decided to make a dream board of the places I want to go and see...and eat along the way...there is some awesome food out there...of course I need to lose weight before I make all that happen...so that will need to be my concentration for now...

If you can't afford to take a trip at this time...find something within a 100 mile radius...We have Vicksburg 45 minutes away and full of history...not to mention casinos...LOL

Morning Pages

I decided to start writing morning pages today. I started them a bit late, but I finally started them. I learned something while writing them today. I am completely unsatisfied with my professional life. I guess I have known this for awhile, but today is the first time that I have put this into print. And now the whole world knows.

And the thing is, I don't know what I want. I think I know at times, but I am responsible for so much in our lives that I cannot necessarily follow that dream disregarding all other things. I have to continue the daily grind and work in time for the dream. So, over the next few weeks I hope to find a way to work that in and balance things more in my life and find some modicum of satisfaction.

I am an intelligent person that does not use her full potential and I realize that is a waste. I have to do something about that. Later this year I hope to go back to school, whether online or conventional, and maybe that too will help me figure out what it is I am looking for in my life.

I have watched a very dear friend, whom is more like a sister, grow into whom she really is and I am longing for the same. So, sit back and watch me grow...encourage me, because I need it...I am weak when it comes to making myself do the things I need to do...be hard on me...I need that too...