Always Starting Over

It seems I am always starting over, whether it be getting on track with watching what I eat, exercising, keeping better track of our finances, etc. I think if I could make it three months on any one thing I would be able to change in a way that would improve my whole life.

My problem? I don't have the determination to do any of this. And it is all important. I live such a lackadaisical life. I like living that way, but there has to be some way to be a bit lackadaisical and still stay with these goals that are so important to my life.

So, again today I am recommitting myself to eatting properly and exercising. I do need to keep better track of my finances and this weekend I will sit down and put a spread sheet together to do better with that also.

Here I go again, starting over...I will do it this time, I have to...a woman about to be 39 has to have better control of her life.

Decision 2008

I am 38 years old, will be 39 by the election this year. This is the first time in the 21 years that I have been able to vote that I am actually interested in the election. In the past I either did not vote because there was not a candidate I wanted to see in office or I voted outside of the two main parties, hence making my vote not really count because I did not like either of the candidates running for the two main parties.

But this past year has been awesome. At first when it was so close I was so afraid Barack Obama would not make it and I was trying so hard to stay positive, but it got difficult at times. We are all human and make mistakes or know people that we would rather not have associated with us at times, but to be running for office and have these things brought front and center is tough. But he pulled through. Now, he faces a man that I just feel is to old in this day in age to hold the office of President of the United States. McCain is so out of touch with reality. And I am afraid he could die in office and then we will be set with a Vice President that we did not vote into office to be our president. How scary is that?

So, I find myself reading "The Audacity of Hope" and this book is awesome. It has made me want to read the Constitution of these United States. And even had me thinking if I could possibly ever run for an office. The press would probably have a hay day with my pass irresponsibility's, but it does not make me think about it none the less. My only obstacle is that I work for the government and would have to quite my job to actually run for an office, then if I was not elected I would be unemployed. So, not sure how to work all of that out yet. But I am going to at least try to find a way that legally I can be more involved in our legal system and serve our county other than being a government employee.

It is an exciting time in our country. If you don't know what is going on, start reading. Be knowledgeable when you vote. We can make a difference!!

Self Belief

I have always thought I was one of those people that believes in myself and has a lot of confidence. But lately I find myself questioning if that has all been a facade. Maybe that is why I no longer feel creative. Maybe I don't believe in my abilities anymore.

If so, when did this change? When did I stop believing in myself? How do I get it back?

I believe I must first search spiritually as I believe self belief is the core of our spiritual self. I have not been giving myself that quiet time to meditate and pray like I used to, so I know I need to start there. I also need to have a positive affirmation that I read and meditate upon each day. But will this help me to completely regain that self confidence that I have lost?

I reflect upon how I used to be so creative and imaginative and do not find that in my life anymore. Everything is so structured and not as fun.

I believe I am optimistic, but find pessimistic thoughts creeping into my brain at times.

So, other than looking within spiritually I know not what else I must do to regain the old me. I just will have to have faith that it will come to me through the meditation and positive affirmations.

I will believe again...

Modèle Sexuel

My best girl had this on her blog so I had to check it out...thought I would share it also.

The What's your sexual style? Test

TYPE N
You scored 100 imagination, 54 confidence, 46 dominance, and 63 generosity!



You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, SUBMISSIVE lover who prefers to GIVE.

This means that: You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There's no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren't afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you're never boring.

You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you've read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you're good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won't be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don't hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover.

You tend to be submissive in bed, so you prefer to go along with what your lover likes rather than your own plans. You might like being ordered around and acting out a slave/master fantasy, or perhaps you just get turned on by being helpless and unable to move. Or maybe it's as simple as you lacking courage so prefering firm instructions in bed to make sure you are doing things right. Either way, you won't be dominating your lover anytime soon, and might prefer the missionary position to any others.

You prefer to give than recieve. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I'm sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it's okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do!

WE SUGGEST YOU: Get crazy with the kissing. It sounds basic, but perhaps with all your wonderful kinky antics and games, you have forgotten how good it can feel just to kiss someone all over, and have the same done to you! Practise with different kissing styles, kiss your lover in places you've never kissed them before. Kiss to tickle, kiss to seduce, kiss for hours, or kiss when you know you can't go any furthur with it, like when you have to be at work soon. Rediscover kissing.

My Favorite Things

So, I thought it would be nice to make a list of my favorite things...I am sure I will miss some, but I figured I would give it a go any ways...

I like walking/playing in the rain on a warm day...

I like to sit in a quiet room all by myself and listen to my thoughts...

I like cordon bleu...

I like to sit and talk with a best friend for hours...and to make new memories with them...

I like to play games, board games, card games, computer games, out door sports...

I like to let chocolate slowly melt in my mouth...

I like the color purple...

I like to see people smile, especially the people I love...

I like to read...all kinds of books...

I like to learn about different roads to spiritual fullfillment...

I like to sit in the screened porch on a cool evening listening to nature around me...

I like to walk in the waves of the ocean...

I like dogs and kitties...

I like to drink coconut rum and cranberry juice...

I like to make my husband happy...

I like to create new things...

I like the snow when it has just fallen and is sitting on the trees...

I like to cook...

I like to learn...

I like to travel...

I like to watch movies...

I like music of all kinds...

Well, that is a few of my favorite things...I hope it made you think of some of yours.

Ready for the 4th of July

I am a bit tired right now, but I am happy also. My parents should be here in the next 45 minutes or so. The house is as clean as it is going to get, which is not bad, but probably not up to their standards. I am just not the housewife that my mother was when I was growing up or that my father is now. We do the best for us...as long as it is not gross and my allergies are not killing me then it is good. If you have ever been in my house you know what I mean. It is lived in...

I am mostly tired from this freakin' crampin'. And I got the salads made for tomorrow and an orange cake. All I have left to do is make Paul Dean's Macaronni and cheese tomorrow and then Kerry can grill the meat and we will be good to go.

Our older neighbors next door will be coming over also. I think it will be a nice afternoon. Rain is in the forcast, but we will deal.

I wish everyone a great 4th with lots of love and happiness with friends and/or family.

Horny or Sensual

What is it about a woman during her period that makes her want to have sex. I mean, no man really wants to be down there, so why must we have these feelings. Thank the Goddess that there is some way to give ourselves an orgasm without having to actually touch the soiled area and relieve that tension.

I have to ask, is it horniness or sensualness?

Here is what the definitons are:

horny
-adjective
1. feeling great sexual desire; "feeling horny" [syn: aroused]
2. having horns or hornlike projections; "horny coral"; "horny (or horned) frog"
3. made of horn (or of a substance resembling horn) [syn: corneous


sen·su·al
–adjective
1. pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly.
2. lacking in moral restraints; lewd or unchaste.
3. arousing or exciting the senses or appetites.
4. worldly; materialistic; irreligious.
5. of or pertaining to the senses or physical sensation; sensory.
6. pertaining to the philosophical doctrine of sensationalism.



Ugh, I think it is that word that I seem to relate to teenage years, horny. That seems so pathetic to me. And there must be a way to control this...but I have no clue. I guess it does not help when you don't have much of a sex life at home. That is not my husband's fault though. He is having some issues that need to be addressed medically we believe, so I can't be mad at him. I have learned well how to take care of myself, but it is not the same and maybe that is why this comes up when I am on my period....a period I should not even have to have since I have never been afforded the honor of carrying a baby.


Or maybe it is because I am a sensual being that I am horny...I guess there are lots of ways to look at it...all I know is that it sucks when I am on my period and I feel horrible and then have a need to be satisfied sexually on top of it all.



I'll end this with a foreign language lesson for horny and sensual.


ˈhorny- adjective
(slang) sexually excited; easily aroused sexuallyExample: feeling horny
Arabic: سَهْل الإثارة جِنْسِيّا
Chinese (Simplified): 性冲动的
Chinese (Traditional): 性沖動的
Czech: nadržený
Danish: sexet; liderlig
Estonian: kiimas
Greek: σεξουαλικά ερεθισμένος (λαϊκ.)
Hungarian: felizgult
Indonesian: mudah terangsang
Italian: eccitato
Latvian: ´sakarsis´, uzbudināts
Lithuanian: užsivedęs
Norwegian: kåt
Polish: chętny, napalony
Russian: похотливый
Slovak: nadržaný, vzrušený
Slovenian: pohoten
Spanish: cachondo
Swedish: kåt
Turkish: şehvetli


sensual- [ˈsensuəl] adjective
having or showing a fondness for bodily pleasuresExample: a sensual person
Arabic: شَهْواني
Chinese (Simplified): 肉欲的
Chinese (Traditional): 肉慾的
Czech: smyslný
Danish: sensuel
Dutch: sensueel
Estonian: meelas
Finnish: aistillinen
French: sensuel
German: sinnlich
Greek: φιλήδονος
Hungarian: buja
Icelandic: lostafullur
Indonesian: suka kemikmatan badani
Italian: sensuale
Japanese: 肉欲的な
Korean: 관능적인
Latvian: juteklīgs
Lithuanian: geidulingas, gašlus
Norwegian: sensuell, vellystig
Polish: zmysłowy
Portuguese (Brazil): sensual
Portuguese (Portugal): sensual
Romanian: senzual
Russian: сладострастный
Slovak: zmyselný
Slovenian: čuten
Spanish: sensual
Swedish: sensuell
Turkish: şehvet düşkünü